Cowboys and Indians?

Today at work I was reminiscing with a customer about childhood games. She was surprised to see a toy tee-pee and little figurines of cowboys and indians on display at the shop where I work, thinking perhaps that this kind of role play was no longer politically correct.

I saw her point. When we were kids we'd play cowboys and indians for hours in the back yard - my brother was always a cowboy, often the sheriff, and I, of course, being a girl and therefore a second-class citizen, was always the Indian. Now, not for one moment am I espousing the view that either Indians or girls are second-class citizens. God forbid. It's just that when I was growing up, the culture was so drenched in the heady wine of white male dominance, that no-one thought to question it. Our views were shaped from birth and so accepted by the adults around us that even when we intuitively sensed the 'wrongness' in these labels and social mores, we kept our mouths shut and adapted our thinking to fit the mould. We told ourselves, with feathers in our hair, that at least we were exotic and mysterious, if not powerful. But we knew we'd always lose the fight.

Hmm. How many of us still do that, games aside? How many women still look in the mirror and see someone who's inferior, powerless, even uncivilized? (Hidden your true feelings today? Don't want to be too dramatic, do we? Unreasonable?)

Do you still shut your mouth when your husband or boyfriend criticizes you? Feel embarrassed when your feelings are labelled as irrational or insecure? Feel wrong in your own body?

Dozens and dozens of the women I speak to feel like this. I see them in the shop every day - 'if I put it on layby, he'll never know how much I really spent on the kids for Christmas!' from women who hold down full-time, executive positions. 'I'll have to come back later. My husband's outside and he's really impatient!' from women who run businesses and families. I look outside and there he is, feverishly glaring at his watch, pacing the sidewalk, knitting his brows every time she looks at him. These women are all scared, making decisions that don't come from feeling empowered but from being afraid of who they really are; or perhaps from someone else finding out who they really are.

In internet forums and chat rooms I speak to even more intelligent, attractive and capable women whose emotional lives are a misery because of their partner's roving eye, his involvement with pornography or flagrant affairs. Just as disturbing are the hundreds who are no stranger to domestic violence. In 2006, rape statistics are rising, not falling; domestic violence is rife and child abuse an international disgrace. But we're equal I hear you say. Are you sure? I think we have a very, very long way to go.

I don't mean to be a man basher. In fact, my own father was one helluva guy - antiporn, pro-woman, dedicated dad, passionate partner. My most intimate role model has been the best... but...it seems when he left the world, a lot of the dignity and respect for women that surrounded me disintegrated shockingly fast and here I am, left with the current generation and all it's inbred misogyny and covert oppression of the second sex.

I'm now on a journey I started long ago but from which I allowed myself to become sidetracked - by life, relationship disappointment, ill-health, the demands of single parenting and most significantly - fear. It's the journey to embrace my own power, believe in my own values and ideas and learn to say 'no' loudly and emphatically.

I want to pass on the message. There are tools out there; guides to our own empowerment; internet sites dedicated to women's self esteem; support groups; books, CD's, DVD's and most of all, other women. Seize the day! (And sharpen your arrows!)

Mel