Imagery and Self Esteem

One of the things I'm researching through this site and via the women I interact with is how imagery in the media affects us. In my experience, even the women who claim to be 'cool' with these images of impossible physical perfection, many of which border on pornographic, are indeed not so cool once you scratch the surface.

And scratching the surface is something I regularly do in the interests of encouraging people to think outside the square.Because we are in a square; a tightly defined box - except the boundaries don't really exist. We just think they do - and I believe we're meant to think they do. I often wonder what would happen if more and more women started to say, 'Hang on a minute. I don't actually have to behave like that, think like that or look like that.' I know a lot of us, and even a lot of men, think we're not affected by the not-so-subtle messages that surround us and we think we're free and whole and feeling good about ourselves. But are we really?

I'm a great fan of Naomi Wolf - her book, 'The Beauty Myth' is a must read for both sexes. It analyzes advertising and media images in a depth that few other treatises have dared. And of course she was slammed for it. It didn't however, stop her from writing 'The Porn Myth', which delves more deeply into how this plethora of imagery affects not just women but also men in a negative way. The great 'fib' is that men truly benefit from this kind of advertising. The fact that there's always something just around the corner - literally - to give them some kind of sexual gratification is toted as a good thing. Now...don't get cranky with me, gentlemen.

I don't mean all of you or even most of you buy the lie or that you act like salivating beasts at every turn - but it has to be said that the imagery is there for a reason. There's got to be a reward in it for someone, somewhere. And believe me, the reward is not for the average woman on the street, which is the overwhelming majority of us gals.

And yes, I hear you asking why do the women who make these images participate if it's detrimental to their own sex? Well, I have a theory on that. After all, it's the survival of the fittest out their in the jungle, isn't it? Society determines which 'look' currently deserves the highest esteem and those who possess it scrabble to the top of the heap and fight to stay there. They gain money and status. Sometimes it ain't pretty in the world of 'look at me'....but more on that later. Watch this space.

But the smokescreen bothers me. Does anyone, other than big business, really benefit from this daily assault on our senses or does it just help to perpetuate the illusory great divide between the sexes, a division that needs to be named for what it is - created by popular culture, fed by ignorance and kept in place by fear?And is there anything we can do about it or do we just accept that this is the world we live in and we simply have to learn to cope with it?

Well...I'm afraid I'm just not built like that. It sounds too much like the propaganda Hitler used to convince an entire country that not only were his ideologies correct but that by participating in it, his people were actually working for the greater good. Purrrrr...lease.

We are not sheep; we are not powerless; we are able to think and therefore to act and affect the environment around us. This action aspect is a particular quest of mine.

For those of you interested in Naomi Wolf's 'The Porn Myth', it's worth checking the following link.http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/

And one more disturbing trend I've noticed is that more and more of this imagery now contains ridiculously buff and handsome images of men that are slowly but surely becoming sexualized. And I've also observed more and more young men feeling insecure about themselves

On the health and skincare forums I visit, I see the trend picking up pace...ordinary men are starting to panic about their faces and bodies...and putting themselves through all sorts of tortures in order to look 'good', whatever that means. I find it incredibly sad.

We don't need to add to the problem by putting the same stresses on the male of the species that we women have experienced and suffered from for decades. I wonder if the thinking is that by evening up the score, creating tit for tat, that all will be well in the world? That would be dangerous thinking indeed.

Mel

Know Your Life's Purpose?

Discovering Your Life Purpose: Living the Life You Were Born to Live
by Melanie Votaw



Is your life filled with purpose? Every single one of us has a reason for being
here on the planet right now, and every one of us has a unique contribution that
no one else can make. It's the reason you were born. Are you living the life you
were born to live? This inspiring course takes you on a journey of exploration
and evaluation. Ask yourself the right questions and unveil answers that may
surprise you.


Am I the only one who still wonders from time to time what I want to be when I really grow up? It seems to me this question plagues most of us at least some of the time and some of us most of the time.

I don't want to be just marking time, waiting for my real life to begin, do you? I don't think that anything has such a significant impact on self esteem as finding out who you really are and what you're meant to be doing in this life. And then going for it.

That's not to say that I'm a lost lamb who has no idea what I'm doing or why; but there are certainly times when I don't seem to be headed in the right direction and what I'm doing seems quite pointless. Naturally enough, this often has a lot to do with responsibilities to self and family...I mean, it's difficult to discern a true sense of purpose when you're doing the fourth load of washing and the pile still hasn't shrunk.

There are days when it comes down to what I call the 'Ripple in the Pond' effect, a concept that brings me comfort when I seem to be ploughing through the necessary drudgery without making much of an impact on what I see as my 'real purpose'.

The ripple in the pond effect is a simple one. Think of it like this. When you drop a pebble into a pond, you'll see the concentric ripples spread to the far banks. It might be just a tiny pebble and it might have taken you only a moment and not much effort to drop it in - yet the effects are far reaching. In the same way, random acts of kindness can spread out from one tiny source to touch places we'll never see. It doesn't take a lot of effort but it does take an attitude of mindfulness.

Instead of bypassing that frazzled young mother in the shops, take a moment to smile at her and tell her how lovely her children are. Or, as I had the opportunity to say last night, 'Don't worry, some things get easier as they get older. You're doing great.' Imagine how far that effect might spread...I hope she felt uplifted and more able to handle her hyped up kids with tolerance. And then I hope the kids calmed down a little and stopped fighting. Maybe Dad will be mighty grateful to see them come home and go to bed peacefully, giving him some quality time with his wife.

Who knows? I don't see these consequences...I don't know what really happens. But I do believe in dropping pebbles of kindness into the ocean of life. I believe in the concept of critical mass - the more people who practice this mindfulness the closer the world will come to Utopia (for want of a better word). Wouldn't it be Utopia though if the world were flooded with kindness, caring and compassion?

So the ripple in the pond idea keeps me going when I feel I'm not achieving much in this life and helps me to place the emphasis where it rightly belongs, on the small, significant things.